Testimony, Testimony, I'll Never Be The Same!

I recently heard an excellent sermon on the power of testimony. And then, not long afterwards, I was reading something and it made me realise, the Bible is basically a big book of testimonies about God and all that He has done for His people. And it changes people and leads them to Him. People ask if God is still relevant today. There are still testimonies about God happening all the time, all over the world, so we should be telling people them so they can change people and lead them to God! Here's mine...

The last month or so have been kinda hard for me! I don't feel like I've been myself, or even fully know who know who that is anymore. I've started drinking tea, and doing crazy stuff like tidying my room, at midnight, on Christmas Eve, and going for longs walks or a run. One minute I've been a bit hyper and weird and the next I've been grumpy and horrible to people or crying. (If you've been a victim of that, I'm sorry! I love y'all really and if I do it again, just throw chocolate at me and run away!)

I heard, before I started here at LST, that Bible College can make you go through a phase of "oh no! All this is crazy! I don't know who God is anymore"! And someone also said that doing counselling can make you go through a phase of "oh no! All this is crazy! I don't know who I am anymore"! I think I'm at that bit of the counselling course. The theology part, however, has made me want to get to know God better, which is good because at the moment I really need Him.

It's only the start of the forth week of this term and, looking back, I feel like there have been more lows than highs over the last three weeks, mainly to do with other stuff. Looking back I can also see that God has been with me the whole time and carried me through it all.

Yesterday I was having a rubbish day and felt kinda depressed for most of it. In the evening I just went to my room and cried. I feel like God is trying to deal with stuff in my life that I've tried to ignore for over fifteen years. (Please don't ask me about it. My counselling process group will find out when I tell my story, they can ask.) It's gonna be hard and scary and I just wanted to run away and not do this term. There's one person who, sometimes I feel like they know me better than I know myself, but they're up in Birmingham, so basically, it was just me.

I don't really remember praying while I was crying, I may have done. But then I found a book. I only read about two pages and didn't feel like reading much more but what I did read helped. It made me realise that I wasn't the only one to ever go through this.

This morning I woke up and did a Bible study. At church last week I picked up a copy of some notes and was going to start them on the 1st. However, being me, I lost it. Fortunately, it was online so the last couple of days I used that. Last night though, I found the notes. So I used them this morning. And that's when God showed me that He cares. He was there with me last night, through the tears and fear and depression and all that crap stuff.

Turns out, the Bible reading notes I picked up weren't the usual 'this is what you should be reading on this date' kind. It was an introduction to those notes. Day 1? "Get up, Get over it and Move on. 'You will forget the shame of your youth' Isaiah 54:4". It was exactly what I needed! And some Bible references in it took me back to times when God has spoken to me in the past. Like I said, I don't really remember if I prayed last night but this morning God showed me that He was there and that He loves and cares for me and that He's got me safe and knows what He is doing.
I still got stuff to work through, but His grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in His hands! =)

Christmas Update!

First of all, hello! Happy Christmas and Happy New Year! :-)

Second, I'm into my third week of holiday and have only just got round to writing this update! Sorry!

So last term at LST was pretty awesome! I don't know why I didn't go to Bible College sooner! I guess the moral of the story is, if God tells you to do something, just do it! Chances are He wants you to do something pretty epic and you're gonna love it more than what you're currently doing so why not?!

I've been told that I've changed since going to LST but today I got told that I'd just gone back to being my usual weird, happy self! Hurrah! :-)

I should probably tell you what I've been up to! I've been to lectures, two weekends away, pub, fun times with friends, paid work, gym (yes, you read that correctly!), I've even been to the library AND written an essay! Oh, and church! I'm a Bible College student, that's kinda why we're there! I also have a counsellor now!

One of the main things I've noticed is how God has been with me through it all! Even before I arrived!
In an earlier update I said about the money situation! Basically, Student Finance told me I could have a tuition fee loan then a week before I went, told me I couldn't! I could, however, have a maintenance loan from them but that wasn't enough to cover everything! During last term though they wrote to me and told me that the loan would be increased, and to higher than I was expecting!
I also sold my car and got a job, which all helps! The job is in a Bupa care home in Watford! I'll probably work there once a week and that'll give me money for expenses during the term! During the end of last term and over the holidays I have been working at least two nights a week at my old job in Birmingham! This has really helped towards my fees but when I go back to London in January I won't be doing that anymore! I was in lectures Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, travelled to Birmingham on Thursday and worked Thursday and Friday nights then travelled back on Saturday and was at church on Sunday! As well as it being quite tiring, I was also missing out on various activities at college and spending time with friends, who I'm sure will be pleased to know that I'll be around a lot more to annoy them! :-P

I'm looking forward to next term, except the three essays that are due in!
At church I'll be getting involved with a project that they run every week where they feed the homeless! That'll be a good chance to serve, as well as talk and pray with the people that come! I've been told that the number of people going along who are in need of a meal is increasing so prayer for that project and for everyone involved would be appreciated! We have another counselling weekend coming up! The last one was really tiring but was so good to get to know the people on my course better and pretend to be a counsellor so I'm looking forward to that!
We have the Spring Ball next term! It's probably the only time that people at LST will see me dressed as a girl! It's actually quite exciting!
I'm also trying to convince people to come and visit Birmingham! Apparently, not everyone knows it's a city, let alone the best one ever! I think the fact we have a chocolate factory has convinced people to come!
I'm hoping to get back into playing my saxophone too! I haven't played it properly for a while so that should be interesting!

After finishing last term and realising that the only photos I'd taken were of Sleeping Beauty in the car on the way back from the counselling weekend and of my roommate, Debbies, and my room after we put Christmas decorations up, I decided that one of my new years resolutions was to take more photos! Hopefully you'll being seeing more of my life at LST rather than have to rely on my blogs, which will be nice for you! :-)

A few prayer points for this term/rest of the year...
That it doesn't all become academic and my relationship with God will be my main priority!
That I can have good relationships with the friends I've made and the people that I'll meet in the future!
That I'll settle into the job at Bupa well because I haven't really worked there properly yet!
That I can get the three essays done and handed in on time (when you're a student everything else suddenly becomes important when you have an essay to do! I've even tidied my room during the holiday!)

Thank you all for your love and support during my adventure! If there's anything I can do or pray for you then do let me know! :-)